five months in with our cockapoo and the gap between what the groomer says our at home brushing routine should be and what we actually manage on a workday is genuinely embarrassing, looking for the honest version from doodle families who keep up

Marzipan is our 5 month old cockapoo, 14lb cream colored female, our first dog as adults. she came home at 9 weeks with the softest puppy fluff and at month 4 the coat started transitioning into the adult curl that doodle people warned us about, and now at month 5 we are getting our second professional groom in a week and i need to figure out what is actually realistic for the home maintenance piece because we are clearly not doing it right.

the groomer wants us brushing every other day, with extra attention to behind the ears, under the collar, the armpits, the sanitary area, and the back legs where she sits. she sent us home with a slicker brush at the first appointment and showed us how to line brush through the coat. in theory this is fine. in practice my partner and i both work 9 hour days, we have a toddler, and the brushing sessions are turning into either 90 second rushed swipes that do not actually penetrate the coat, or 20 minute wrestling matches where Marzipan eventually escapes and i feel like the worst dog owner alive. this week's groom was $115 because there was de-matting time built in behind her ears and on her back legs and the groomer was very nice about it but the subtext was clear that this is going to be a recurring line item if our home routine does not improve.

what i want to understand from doodle families who are actually keeping up with this. one, what does your real day to day brushing routine look like, in honest minutes per session and honest sessions per week, not the aspirational version. two, what tools matter and what tools are pet store gimmicks (we have the slicker, we have a metal comb the groomer gave us, but i am seeing dematting tools and grooming sprays and various things online and i do not know what is real). three, how do you get the dog to actually tolerate the behind the ears part without it becoming a fight every time, because that is the area that mats fastest and that is also the area she hates having touched. four, is the every other day frequency actually realistic for a working family or is there a sustainable lower frequency routine that still keeps the coat manageable between professional grooms. trying to figure out a sustainable system before the de-matting fees become permanent