four years of working from home with my sheltie went completely fine and then my new job turned the cameras on, now every 9:15 standup is a hostage situation, he has declared a blood feud with the ups truck, the amazon driver is his best friend which is somehow worse because the screaming sounds identical, my boss has started calling him the attendee, and this morning i muted myself to yell into a hoodie

Finn is my 4 year old sheltie and for four years of remote work he was a non issue, because my old job was cameras off, mics off, type in the chat if you have something to say. he barked at things, i muted, nobody knew, the system worked. in march i started a new job with a cameras on culture and a daily 9:15 standup and i have learned that my dog does not have a barking problem, my dog had a barking AGREEMENT, and the other party just changed the terms.

the delivery window in my neighborhood is, and i have the data because i started logging it out of spite, 9:05 to 9:40. the ups truck has a brake squeal Finn can identify from two blocks out, and that one is a blood feud, full alarm, hair up, running commentary until the truck leaves his territory. the amazon driver is somehow worse, because that man carries treats and Finn LOVES him, and it turns out the scream of hatred and the scream of joy are acoustically identical on a headset mic. ive tried the white noise machine, he barks over it. i moved my desk to the back bedroom, he stayed at the front window because the front window is where his job is. two weeks ago i was presenting our sprint results to about forty people when both trucks arrived at once, and the chat filled with dog emojis while i tried to talk over what sounded like a small wolf pack being audited by the irs. my boss, who is honestly being a great sport, has started announcing "the attendee has joined" when the barking starts. everyone thinks its charming. i want to be dead.

and yes, i know. i own a sheltie. announcing things that move is not a defect, its the entire job description, i read the breed page, i knew, but knowing in theory and performing sprint metrics over the sound of the announcement are different weight classes. before anyone asks, he gets a real walk at 7:30 and another at lunch, this is not an exercise problem, this is a dog with a security clearance i cannot revoke. so, wfh people with alert barkers, sheltie people especially, what actually moved the needle for you, im past the point of pride and fully in the market for anything that works