if one more parent tells me newfoundlands are nanny dogs while their toddler sprints face first at my 152 pound dog i am going to start charging admission, nana from peter pan is a fictional character not a supervision plan, my dog is a saint and that is exactly what scares me, because everyone treats his patience like a public resource, nobody asks before their kid grabs a fistful of jowl, and if the impossible day ever comes we all know exactly which dog pays for it

Walter is a 4 year old brown newfoundland, 152 pounds at his last vet visit, and before anyone starts, yes he is huge, yes the drool is real, yes i have heard the saddle joke, i hear the saddle joke on average twice per walk and i have made my peace with the saddle joke. what i have not made peace with is the thing that happened saturday at the brewery patio, which is the third version of the same thing this month, and i need to vent to people who own big dogs before i lose it at an actual stranger.

we are at the patio, walter is lying under the table doing his best impression of a rug, and a toddler, maybe 2, breaks away from the next table and grabs a full fistful of his jowl before i can even get a hand out. dad strolls over, no apology, watches his kid HANG off my dogs face, and says "aw he loves it, newfies are nanny dogs." walter meanwhile has licked his lips, turned his whole head away, and pressed himself further under the table, which is a 152 pound animal saying no thank you as politely as it is possible to say it, and this man read it as love. two weeks before that it was a kid in full sprint across the farmers market yelling BEAR while his mom filmed it. before that a woman asked if she could put her infant ON him for a photo, and she was already lowering the baby while she asked.

here is the thing that actually keeps me up. nana from peter pan is fiction, barrie made her up, newfoundlands were water rescue dogs, nobody ever handed them a victorian nursery, but this one phrase has convinced an entire generation of parents that my dog is playground equipment with a heartbeat. so every polite no walter gives, the head turn, the lip lick, the getting up and moving behind my legs, is invisible, because the myth already answered the question for them. and walter is genuinely bombproof, four years of it, but bombproof is a description of the past, not a warranty, and if the impossible day ever comes it will not matter that a toddler was hanging off his face uninvited. a 152 pound dog does not get the benefit of the doubt. one growl from walter is a vicious dog report and a conversation with animal control, while the terrier at the same patio can bite three ankles and be feisty.

so, giant breed people. 1. what do you actually SAY in the moment that stops a running child without turning it into a scene with their parents. 2. do you physically body block, because i am done being polite about it. 3. has anyone trained a default position, like behind you or between your legs, that gives the dog somewhere to go when he wants out. 4. lie to me if you have to but tell me this gets easier