vet recommended TPLO surgery for our 6 year old labs torn ACL and the orthopedic surgeon she referred us to wants to schedule next month, but i want a second opinion before we commit $6000 and i genuinely dont know the etiquette for getting one without burning my relationship with the vet weve had for 9 years

Murphy is our 6 year old black lab, 78lb, otherwise extremely healthy, who tore his left CCL three weeks ago jumping off the back of my husbands truck the way he has jumped off the back of that truck about a thousand times before. our regular vet Dr K diagnosed it with a drawer test in the room and confirmed on rads, no other joint changes, no other ligament involvement, no meniscus on the imaging though she said she cannot fully rule that out without the scope. she referred us to a specific orthopedic surgeon she has worked with for years, Dr V, who saw Murphy last week and is recommending TPLO surgery, quote was $5,800 with a $400 deposit to hold the slot. they want to schedule for the second week of july.

here is where im struggling. i did the reading after the consult and there are actually three different surgical approaches commonly used in dogs Murphys size, TPLO (which Dr V does), TTA, and a lateral suture / extracapsular repair. there is also a smaller body of literature on conservative management for partial tears in dogs under 80lb, which Murphys vet said his is closer to "mostly torn" than "fully torn" though Dr V described it as a complete tear during the consult. the cost ranges quoted by different practices in our area for these three procedures range from about $2,400 (lateral suture at a general practice) to about $7,000 (TPLO at a board certified specialty hospital). Dr V is somewhere in the middle on cost but is the TPLO advocate, which i now know is the procedure with the strongest evidence base for large dogs but is also the most invasive and most expensive.

my actual question and the one i am embarrassed to ask my vet directly. how do you ask for a second opinion on a surgical recommendation without it reading as "i dont trust you" to a vet you have a 9 year relationship with. Dr K refers a lot of patients to Dr V and i think she will read a request to consult a different surgeon as a question about her judgment. i also genuinely want her input on whether TPLO is the right choice for Murphy specifically vs the alternatives, and i feel like asking the surgeon who only does TPLO whether TPLO is the right choice is asking the wrong person.

for the people who have walked through this with a large dog CCL diagnosis, how did you handle the conversation with your regular vet about getting a second opinion. did you ask for a referral to a second surgeon directly, did you go around your vet entirely, did you frame it as "i want to understand the alternatives" instead of "i want a second opinion." i have until about july 5 to make a decision, the deposit is refundable until then. i dont want to lose Murphys slot on the calendar if TPLO is right for him, but i also dont want to commit $6000 to the most aggressive option without understanding why its the right call